There are many things I wish to tell you, but I cannot bear to post them right now. 

Yes, this blog has been suffering for a while.  I’m now halfway through my first semester as a graduate student at the UW, and yet a blog post I wrote about orientation into grad school has yet to be uploaded onto this website.  

This is what a busy grad school schedule looks like.  It doesn’t matter whether I’m a full-time student with a part-time job or a part-time student with a full-time job.  Life has just gotten insanely busy and it’s not surprising that this blog would be a casualty of this new lifestyle.  

But there are other things going on, too.  I’ve been struggling with purpose and voice for some time in this blog.  Things I’ve wanted to materialize in this blog just haven’t materialized.  I think it’s now time to make a bit of a retreat and reflect on my six years of blogging, and thinking about where I want to go from here.

I still very much want to write, and I am continuing to do so.  Whether it is on this blog, or a new one, I eventually will start posting blog entries again and hopefully in a more focused way than before. My guess is that this hiatus will last a few months.  I’ll eventually get used to the hectic graduate school life and be able to manage my time better. (I hope!)  I’m already thinking of ideas of how to approach my writing once I do start posting again.

Meanwhile, feel free to explore my past posts on this website.  I certainly will be.  I’m still quite proud of this body of work I’ve created over the years.  I’ve changed a lot in the six years that I have been blogging, and, if anything, that change is accelerating. 

There is always a stretch of a few days sometime in September when the wind more than just blows and where the clouds do more than just pass over.  It’s a time when a mixture of gray and white clouds seem to sweep the sky, leaving in its wake a blue sky with a deeper blue hue.  The wind tends to blow a bit colder, making the air cooler, crisper, and cleaner. 

from Dreamstime free downloadsIt feels like the air is more than just cooling–it is churning, rearranging the elements and preparing the way for autumn.  It is a bit unusual for this to happen on Labor Day weekend–often it’s a week or two later.  Nevertheless, it’s mesmerizing, calming and peaceful, and the three days off work have allowed me to feel present enough to thoroughly enjoy it. 

It seems to be timing itself with a number of other changes going on in my life at the same time.  I had orientation and my first class in graduate school within the last week.  We have new people living in the house and it seems cleaner in general than it has in a long time.  The attic room we’d been working on for the better part of two years is now usable, and serving as a wonderful little retreat space. 

Lots of other little things are conspiring and arranging themselves in a way as if to say “Wake up, wake up! Do you know what it means to be alive right now?”

I’ve just finished my ten-week statistics course.  Well, sort of–I still have one last paper due next week.  I took my final exam last Thursday night, and now I’m giving myself permission to slow down and relax.

Many people complain bitterly about the statistics class they are required to take, and I’m not going to say I disagree.   The father of a housemate of mine has a degree in math,  and he once told me that to truly understand statistics, one has to have a solid understanding of both trigonometry and calculus.  The latter I have never taken, and the former I remember very little of.  I know that the “sin,” “cos,” and “tan” buttons on a scientific calculator stand for sine, cosine and tangent, that all have something to do with triangles, and that the calcualtor creates funny numbers when I push those buttons, but other than that, I don’t remember anything about trig.  I need to be able to understand why something works the way it does, almost in a visual way, and that just wasn’t possible in an introductory statistics class for social workers.  My vision got blurry when I saw formulas like M-Za/2 *o/sqrt n <= u <= M + Za/2*o/sqrt n, and I’d think to myself, “yeah, I’m really learning this stuff, aren’t I?” 

I have the month off as far as class is concerned, and then, come September, I will start my graduate program.  In some ways, this statistics class was a nice introduction back to the academic world. It was difficult to go straight from work to class every Tuesday night, and it was a challenge at times to make time for the readings,  homework and studying that was necessary.  I also wrote about how challenging it was to navigate my way through the labyrynthine university system.

It was nice to wake up this morning and watch the rain fall as I looked out the window.   I wrote in my personal journal and am now writing this blog post.  There is still a lot I need to do personally this month, but I’m also giving myself permission to be lazy and hazy…

An astute observe (stalker?) of this website might have noticed that a second post from 7 June just now appeared out of nowhere, perhaps making them wonder if I somehow slipped this in just now and then pretended that I wrote it for 7 June.  

Well, yes, sort of.  I really did begin writing it on 7 June, the same day I made that other post, but I posted it yesterday.  So there.  Live with it.  You should be lucky that I don’t pick random calendar dates like the local newspaper in the novel “Dhalgren.”  (If I did that, this blog’s readership would probably drop from three to two.)

I’ve actually now completed my Statistics class mid-term, and I think I did pretty well–maybe even quite well. As I was studying, my old studying tricks came back to me, and there were only one or two questions on the exam (out of roughly 35) where I found myself thinking, “Ooh, I should have tried harder to memorize that part of the notes.”

It is rather interesting going to school in 2011 after not having done so since 1989.  Email wasn’t used when I was an undergraduate–at least not those of us in the Liberal Arts and Sciences ghetto.  Microsoft Word had been invented by that point, but when I was an undergraduate, it was still WordPerfect’s bastard stepchild. Microsoft Power Point had not been invented at all. WordStar was considered to be a legitimate word-processing program.

Now I have my own campus email address. (Unfortunately I couldn’t pick the name–they auto-assigned it to avoid duplication and to avoid email addresses like uberthorlazergeekgodandruleroftheuniverse@wisc.edu.)  I can actually email my homework and download my syllabus. My instructor actually uses Power Point and we get Power Point printouts of the lectures, making it necessary only to add notes to the notes already there.

Before class started, I remember wondering what I should bring to class with me. A spiral notebook? A three ring binder? A Trapper Keeper? I agonized over whether I should bring my laptop to class and whether I could simultaneously take notes and check Facebook at the same time like any good Gen-Y’er. Turns out there was no need in this case–with all the handouts the three-ring binder ended up being what I needed.

But in a scenario that is very 2011, I was doing my homework in a coffee shop one afternoon when I realized that the built-in calculator on my Android phone didn’t have a square-root function. So I went onto Android Market, found a scientific calculator app, downloaded it to my phone and continued working on the statistic problem I’d started a few minutes before.

It’s tricky balancing school, work and life, and is definitely something I’m still getting used to…

The other posting I was going to post but never got around to was the posting about school.  School is one of the reasons I have difficulty posting to this blog on a timely basis. But I’m experimenting with writing out my posts on my Android phone, which hopefully will result in more frequent and shorter posts.

Just as most students in Madison were celebrating being out of school for the summer, I entered school for the first time in 22 years at the University of Wisconsin.  I am actually not a graduate student yet–I am taking a statistics course as a prerequisite for my graduate program that starts in the fall.  So I am considered a “special student” this summer and a graduate student this fall–that is, if I get a C or better in the class.  

And that distinction is apparently throwing a curve ball at the computer system involved in processing my financial aid/student loan application.  The UW isn’t that much bigger than the University of Illinois where I got my bachelor’s degree, but somehow it feels more intimidating. Either that or I just didn’t worry as much the first time around.  In any case I feel like a freshman at 43 and need one of those kind-hearted guides in the red Wisconsin t-shirts to guide this scared little puppy through the system.  (“It’s okay, young man.  Maybe a serving of Babcock Ice Cream will make you feel better.”)

I discovered, however, that there’s a few perks to being a student.  Even a three-credit class like mine entitles me to many perks that full-time students receive, starting with the ASM Bus Pass.  Apparently my student fees entitle me to a free bus pass each semester, which can be used anywhere on the Madison Metro system. So rather than pay $55 a month for a monthly Metro pass,  it appears that the university will provide me with one–theoretically until September 2015.

The first day of class felt quite strange.  The instructor eased us into class by having us interview and get to know the person next to us, and then introduce them to the class, which is has about twelve people.  Then he started talking about statistics.  As I sat in the class, I found myself thinking, “All rite, how does this lurning thing werk?  How much of this of this lekture am I suppozed to memurize?  How duz this all end up in my brane?”  But by the second class I felt more at ease.

Mercifully, the statistics class is geared toward social workers (meaning right-brained people like me) and is part of the Social Work department.  This is good because my brain definitely needs help in grasping these abstract concepts that are more challenging that “A train leaves Kansas City going eastbound at 75 mph and another train leaves Cleveland going westbound at 65 mph.  What is the conductor’s name?”

My classmates are an interesting mix of people–like me most are going back to school.  Several are married with children.  So I don’t feel like I’m sitting in chairs entirely too small for me in my old kindergarten class–even though most UW students weren’t yet born when I graduated from college.  Grad school means you don’t have to apologize for being older.

I mentioned in a blog post last month that I’d begun a Master Cleanse.  I ended up stayed on the routine for a solid fourteen days, where I consumed nothing but water, salt water, and a concoction made of freshly squeezed lemons, grade B maple syrup, cayenne, and water.  Then, in order to ease the transition back to real food, I consumed only orange juice on the fifteenth day and cold soups on the sixteenth day.  I was almost never hungry, and indeed felt quite energetic during the whole process. 

I lost about 20 pounds, but the real purpose was to detoxify myself.  In today’s world, toxins come into our body through many sources–the air we breathe, preservatives, pesticides, genetically modified foods and other chemicals in our food, and I would submit that the stress and negativity that bombards all of us to varying degrees also contributes.  This toxicity was responsible, to a large degree, for the tiredness I was feeling before the cleanse, and I do feel significantly better now. 

I had the best intentions of trying out an all raw-food diet for a whole month, but it didn’t quite work out that way.  Still, my intake of raw foods has increased dramatically.  I now bring a mini-cooler full of fruits and vegetables to work, and will often make veggie burgers or an avocado and veggie wrap using nori (seaweed) wraps (often used in sushi) instead of tortillas.  Change is always a step-by-step process and I’m definitely eating better than I did several months ago.

My experience with weight loss is that what I take in makes more difference than how I work out.  I’ve been doing yoga and walking, and of course with the temperature humidity index going over 100 F the last few days, I have plenty of opportunity to sweat those toxins out as well. 

A lot of judgment tends to be passed on people who are overweight.  The pundits would like to repeatedly tell you that it’s a simple math equation of more calories out than calories in, but as I queried of friend of mine not to long ago, “If you’re limiting things to 2,000 calories a day, 2,000 calories of what?”  I’m taking a closer look at those two thousand calories, and I’m making greater progress than before.

Really, honestly, I had several blog posts ready to go–I merely had to get them out of my head.

Yeah, life really hasn’t slowed down, despite a week-long vacation.  But given the changes that are going on, it’s no surprise.   So following this post are two more posts that I had originally intended to post awhile ago.

I hate the idea of living for vacations but they are there for a reason.  As I often do,  I have opted for a “staycation” in order to get a number of things done and to center myself. 

I started something called the “Master Cleanse” on Saturday–basically a heavy-duty hardcore effort to rid the body of toxins. Two other housemates have done it and swear by it–I’ve noticed a very significant change in energy level with one of them. Since I couldn’t fast during the Baha’i Fast (due to sleepiness at work) I’m taking on this particular fast now which involves consuming nothing but water and a lemonade concoction involving fresh lemons, maple syrup and cayenne (it actually tastes quite good and is filling).  I felt a bit out of it on Saturday and horrible on Sunday, but I feel actually quite good today.  Going through the cleanse is also a good motivation for eating better once the Master Cleanse is finished–I think I could literally feel the toxicity of the garbage in my system this past weekend.

Afterwards, I plan on doing some more experimenting with a raw foods diet.  I started doing so last summer when a woman I was in a relationship with strongly encouraged me to try it.  Coincidentally, two of my housemates were also heavily getting into it.  It is a very creative cuisine, and I’ve been incorporating it into my house dinners for quite awhile.  Before I did, I made the same meal each time–a stir-fry with potatoes and salad.  I haven’t really liked cooking all that much in recent years.  I do find raw food meal preparation more fun and creative.  While I strongly resist any food-related ideologies, I do want to experiment with a 100% raw foods diet for awhile and see how I feel. 

Cleansing seems to be a big theme in other aspects of this vacation, starting with my computer, laptop, and phone.  I was having operating system problems with both my laptop and desktop computers–Ubuntu 10.10 ended up being a real dud of an OS for both of them, so I downgraded the desktop to 10.04 and upgraded the laptop to 11.04, and spent the better part of two days wrestling with that tiger.  I accidentally erased many files I thought I’d backed up–including most of my pictures, but perhaps the most important ones are backed up elsewhere (including on this site) so even that seems like clutter is being cleaned out.  I also have to update the firmware on my Android phone (huh?) which unfortunately is more complicated than simply pressing a button.  It will erase the data I don’t back up and force me to re-download many apps.  But the idea is that my phone–like my computers and my body–will operate more smoothly. 

Outside of that, my agenda is to finish putting all of my CD’s on a removable hard drive in an effort to simplify things and also to hopefully open up new horizons in my DJ’ing efforts.  I want to work on a consensus presentation to be made at a house retreat next month, cultivate better habits of reading and journal writing, get my finances in better order and toy with the idea of starting an internet radio station.  

This is my preferred way of taking a vacation.  Sometimes I like to travel, and it’s worth noting that two of my vacations in the last two years were related to long-distance relationships I was involved at the time, but for me, the best ones are where I can explore, grow, and put myself in a better position for when I return to work…

I always find it fascinating to see which musical groups have staying power and which ones don’t.  The ones that do often surprise me.  Perhaps the last band I would have ever imagined lasting thirty years is a Japanese punk-pop band called Shonen Knife.  I first heard their song “Twist Barbie” in 1986, and they sounded like Hello Kitty trying to imitate the Ramones. However, they were actually formed in 1981, which means that they have been around for thirty years now. Below is another video from about 1986.

Their roots are solidly punk and indie rock, pretty much completely ignoring the J-Pop movement that was developing the same time they were.  But I don’t think that even Johnny Rotten could have imagined the rather warped directions that three Japanese women would take the punk rock genre.  Their career has been characterized by exuberant and positive songs–frequently in broken English–about subjects such as jelly beans, fruit loops, pot scrubbers, insect collections, and banana chips.  Yet combined with a buzzsaw guitar and drums that would make any punk rocker want to pogo, the music is infectious.  Prominent alternative rock bands in the late 80′s and early 90′s were among their biggest fans.. (They wrote a rather exuberant song called “Redd Kross,” an alt rock band in the late 80′s, and the L.A. band returned the favor by writing a song called “Shonen Knife.”) One of their biggest fans was Kurt Cobain of Nirvana, and Shonen Knife opened for them on one of their tours. 

In the mid 90′s, on “If I Were A Carpenter,” an alt-rock tribute to The Carpenters, they did a cover of “On Top Of The World.”  I’m not sure how Karen Carpenter would feel about the song, but in my view it is the Best. Cover. Version. Of. Any. Song. Ever.  In the video below, you can see that despite thirty years and some personnel changes (founding member Naoko Yamano is the only one remaining from the original trio), they have not lost their edge.



Some musings on the eve of Sarah Palin’s visit to Madison…

During a time of economic insecurity, immigrants and state workers are targeted as scapegoats while those responsible for the financial collapse remain free from prosecution. Deep-pocketed special interests can now spend unlimited amounts of money on political TV ads without revealing who’s footing the bill. 

In recent weeks, I’ve found myself wondering more and more…

What would Joe Strummer do?